Thursday, July 8, 2010


So I am in a great mood today. Let me tell you. It is the height of summer, the weather is grand and I am ready to run. AWAY. Seriously. I've stayed away from blogging when I've been in a bad mood for fear of scaring you all, but today I've just had enough. I am ready to explode. Rather than let My Beloved have it (on his birthday, no less) I've opted to spew my dissatisfaction with the blogosphere.
I know I should be grateful for this stay at home mom gig I've got going, but while I love my kids, patience is not a virtue I possess in great quantities. I attempt to do things that seem fun and motherly, but those things generally end up with one or more children getting an angry look at least, and sternly talked to or arm squeezed at most. Luckily for them, I'm generally against spanking.
I've read the parenting books, I've tried to categorize my children so I can best parent them, to no avail, I've yet to read a book to give me advice on how to respond to a child who is stabbing her brother with the sharp end of a cucumber at the farmer's market (yes, cucumber's have a sharp end). I guess I should be thankful we weren't at a cutlery store! I'm trying people, really I am.
One of my dearest friends, the mother of 5 (with one more on the way) regularly takes her kids out in public to Trader Joe's and the like, and doesn't even break a sweat. I've seen her, she's that smooth.
I just don't get it. I take the kids to Target to buy a birthday cake for their dad, I even spring for frosting in a can, and Baby Henry bites into the box of cake mix so we had to have a super friendly (in a mocking, childless person sort of way) Target person get us a new box as we held up the line for everyone behind us, not to mention he was covered in cake mix. I know I shouldn't care, right? But I do, and I feel tremendous guilt.
Why when I take the kids to the pool do 2/3 of them refuse to swim? Norah marches over to a lawn chair lays out a towel and proceeds to spray sunscreen all over, it's only a matter of time before she realizes it's not sunscreen she wants. Baby Henry is content to sit on my lap in the hot sun, arms wrapped tightly around my neck as though the water might touch him. Meanwhile, my friends children are cannonballing off the sides of the pool, periodically needing their goggles adjusted and leaving their mothers in peace to gossip by the side of the pool. I could be so lucky.
What gives? It's hard to be happy and cheerful when I'm the one that waits all day for My Beloved to come home for some adult conversation and he tells me he can't wait to go to bed, to SLEEP! It's hard not to wonder what I'm doing wrong when other people seem happy and relaxed at the pool and I can barely remember swim diapers, let alone water bottles!
Someday I know the kids will be older and won't need me as much, I will miss my Baby Henry as an accessory, Norah's quirkiness will be part of her signature style and Monica will be my cautious adventurer. Someday My Beloved and I will have all the time in the world to talk and pursue our own interests...but until then, I just needed to bitch a little. Thanks.


Sue said...

We all have those days and weeks at times too. I am not sure I could be a full time stay home mom, I do give you guys a lot of credit. I reflect back on my girls and wish they were younger and I didn't work so much, as they are getting older, I am getting busier. You are a great mom, and just because you needed to vent means you are doing good.

Mugga said...

I was also the stay-at-home mom for 14 years! And I 'm sure I had some of the similar experiences you did...but I didn't write them down. I keep telling my kids with kids when they talk about their experiences that there are many things about being a mom that I frankly don't remember. And that's a good thing...because there are many things that I do remember. And some day you'll back on this blog and laugh at yourself and your kids and your beloved. Sometimes I do...and sometimes I don't. but I guess that's what it's all about.

shana said...

Unless you have another friend with nearly 6 kids . . . I'm not nearly as cool and great a mother as you think I am. I can't believe you haven't heard me yelling at them from your house yet!! I miss you. We'll be home soon and then we can take our terrible children (whom we love) out somewhere funnish together. (for a week we'll even having matching families . . . but my van will still be cooler :)). I cried to Kirbs on Tuesday night because my kids (#4 in particular) were WAY more than I could take. I nearly had to be checked in at the nearly mental institution . . . I'm completely and totally not kidding!
Ok, my 30 minutes at the library computer is nearly up.
Take care. See you soon!

Mary jo said...

These days will fly by.The chaos you describe will disappear. They will grow...and leave you in peace. Like Muggs said, a lot of it slips our memory. Probably in a self preserving way. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other...that's how the seasoned veterans do it. You've got great kids and they are lucky to have a mom to watch over them who has a sense of humor and knows when she needs to vent. Lyle always said, "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." And then he went to work!
Thanks, buddy! He is wise, no?
Keep up the good work.