Honey Ham and Squash

All of our bills are paid. We have cash in our separate envelopes for gas, food (already spent), and spending. Nothing is due, nothing is past due. All of our dollars have names on them and I should be feeling groovy.
Instead, I alternate between being a little sheepish about the budgeting we do and being so proud I could scream it from the mountains. Are we anywhere near perfect? No way. Although I do think we know are dollars better than a lot of people.
As we had our finance committee meeting tonight (that's what we call bill paying here, very business-like, don't you think?) I couldn't help but feel a little cranky and deprived. I might want to go shopping this week, maybe even tomorrow. I may want to go to the store and buy whatever I see that I might want. I deserve it. I've been home with a sick husband, I've been a little sick this week myself, a little retail therapy would lift my spirits, but it really won't.
When we first decided that we were going to be in charge of our money it was because we were sick and tired of wondering where all of our money was going. We had some sort of mysterious amnesia about the dinners out at Red Lobster, Applebee's, or the fact that we were single-handedly supporting our local McDonald's remodel. When I was feeling brave I would sit down and pay bills with whatever was left in our checking account. Sometimes we had enough, most times not. Every time I logged on to our checking account our balance was a surprise, and not always a good one.
This was getting really old, and we weren't getting ahead at all. Sure, we had a nice house, and nice cars, and we never said "No" when people asked us to do something, we were sure they were so flush with money they weren't worried about putting gas in their car next week.
Then one day we realized it was OK to be different, to suggest eating at home with friends, eventually we just got different friends. We both heard the same talk radio guy and really thought he had some good points, so we got his book and then we got "it." If we wanted to realize our dreams we had to stop living above our actual income and get real with ourselves. It was hard, and scary. Now if we don't have cash we don't do it. It isn't easy yet, but I can tell you the surprise I feel now is when I balance our checking account and see that I got it right down to the cent. I love knowing that I will have my student loan debt paid off well before my kids go to college.
So yes, I want to go shopping tomorrow, or next week, but no new clothes warm me as much as the security I feel knowing my bills are paid and I have enough money for all the necessities.

I feel like chicken tonight

We are renters. Renters. Makes me feel like some sort of second-class unworthy sort. I feel the need to explain to everyone that we are renting, why we are renting and that we are not big losers that make poor financial decisions. I actually think our choosing to rent is a good financial decsion, except I still explain it as though I need to convince others, and myself that we are worthy. Worthy of what? Not a clue.
So why are we renting, not buying in this time of great housing prices and the "buyer's market" out there? Well in the interest of true transparency we were losers that made poor financial decisions at one point, sadly we were like many others out there who are a paycheck away from financial ruin and that are really scared about their futures. We are not those people anymore. We have owned 2 homes and done a pretty significant amount of work on both. When we sold our last house it was at the end of the housing boom and we lost our butts on that sale, but saved our marriage. We knew when we sold that house we needed a break from house projects and wanted to enjoy our family without the constant pressure of painting, landscaping, replacing, you name it. Someday I'll tell you about our last house...
So we decided to get our financial house in order and get rid of our student loan debt, old credit card debt, and not dump money into a house right now. We became avid fans of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and are working so we can have not only financial peace now and in the future but have our money to save and give and share in the future.
I want to buy a house, today, but I realize that to buy a house today we wouldn't be buying the house we want, we would be buying a house to have a house, which is what I think got so many people in the foreclosure crisis our economy is in today. The house we can afford and the house I want are not the same house and I would be forced to compromise on a lot of things. So instead I am making the choice to wait, doing my best to silence the "Gotta Have It's" that have made so many problems for others with easy credit and crazy mortgages. My mom always says we are the "microwave generation" and no one can wait for anything. I don't think she realizes how widespread that is. So many people today have to have what it took their parents 30 years to save for, does anyone else see a problem with that?
Thus, I am a renter, and we are renting a lovely home that is a little small, but has a big yard and lots of character. We are saving a lot of money on rent, and our landlord isn't making out too badly either, we take care of this home as if it were our own. We will continue to rent until financially and emotionally our home is a blessing, not a burden.