Neglectful blogger

It was a long December and there is reason to believe this year will be better than the last. (Can you name the song?) I have made only one serious New Year's resolution. Here it is:

If I have an instinct to bury my head or hide in my bedroom, or just stay locked in my house, I will turn my back on that feeling and walk forward, head up, shoulder's back into whatever I am socially avoiding.

I also wanted to share something my college roommate, Lisa, gave me my sophomore year in college. The year I fell into my first deep depression. It is not something of great monetary value and I don't know what her motivation was in cutting out an Ann Landers column from the newspaper. I did NOT see the wisdom or guidance in it then, but now I refer back to this yellowed, corner worn scrap of newspaper cut in Lisa's precise teacher's hand. It has moved many times since she gave it to me, from Winona, to St. Paul, our 1st home in Waseca, our 2nd home in Waseca, Maine, back to Waseca, Stillwater, and now to Roseville. I look at it almost everyday, I thought you might want to read it too.

The following letter was written in Ann Landers column, I don't know the original publication date.

DEAR READERS:If some lines in today's column sound vaguely familiar, you have a good memory. They appeared in this space last year. Not much about New Year's Day has changed, so thank you for allowing me to loaf a little.

Let this coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't find the time.

Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories. Share a funny story with someone whose spirits are dragging. A good laugh can be very good medicine.

Vow not to make a promise you don't think you can keep. Pay a debt. Give a soft answer. Free yourself of envy and malice. Encourage some youth to do his or her best. Share your experiences and offer support. Young people need role models.

Make a genuine effort to stay in closer touch with family and good friends. Resolve to stop magnifying small problems and shooting from the lip. Words you have to eat can be hard to digest.

Find time to be kind and thoughtful. All of us have the same allotment: 24 hours a day. Give a compliment. It might give someone a badly needed lift.

Think things through. Forgive an injustice. Listen more. Be kind.

Apologize when you realize you are wrong. An apology never diminishes a person. It elevates him. Don't blow your own horn. If you've done something praiseworthy, someone will notice eventually.

Try to understand a point of view that is different from your own. Few things are 100 percent one way or another. Examine the demands you make on others.

Lighten up. When you feel like blowing your top, ask yourself, "Will it matter a week from today?" Laugh the loudest when the joke is on you.

The sure way to have a friend is to be one. We are all connected by our humanity, and we need each other. Avoid malcontents and pessimists. They drag you down and contribute nothing.

Don't discourage a beginner from trying something risky. Nothing ventured means nothing gained. Be optimistic. The can-do spirit is the fuel that makes things go.

Go to war against animosity and complacency. Express your gratitude. Give credit when it's due -- and even when it isn't. It will make you look good.

Read something uplifting. Deep-six the trash. You wouldn't eat garbage. Why put it in your head? Don't abandon your old-fashioned principles. They never go out of style. When courage is needed, ask yourself, "If not me, who? If not now, when?"

Take better care of yourself. Pass up that second helping. You really don't need it. Vow to eat more sensibly. You'll feel better and look better, too. And you'll weigh less, and wouldn't that be nice?

Don't put up with secondhand smoke. Nobody has the right to pollute your air or give you cancer. If someone says, "This is a free country," remind him or her that the country may be free, but no person is free if he has a habit he can't control.

Return those books you borrowed. Reschedule that missed dental appointment. Clean out your closet. Take those photos out of the drawer, and put them in an album. If you see litter on the sidewalk, pick it up instead of walking over it.

Give yourself a reality check. Phoniness is transparent and tiresome. Take pleasure in the beauty and the wonders of nature. A flower is God's miracle.

Hope you see the beauty and wisdom in it like I do, everyday. Thank you dear roomie.

Maybe Lasagna??

Friendship is strange when you get older. Now that I am in my 30's making friends is harder, and keeping friends is even more difficult. Old friendships get harder and harder to maintain, especially when common ground starts slipping away. New friendships are like some sort of weird dating, with a lot of stops and starts and second guessing. We've moved a few times in the past years, so I've been thrust into a lot of new situations and I've had some luck making really cool friends, and then I've met some real duds (you're all wondering aren't you?).
Some of the hardest parts of friendship for me have been making anhd then moving away from an amazing soul-mate sort of best friend on the east coast. It's been a struggle to give that friendship the attention it deserves because I get so wrapped up in mothering and living life 1500 miles away, that even with technology surrounding me, reaching out is more than I can do sometimes.
College friendships are a challenge to maintain as well, my dearest college friend and I took very different paths upon leaving college. That alone has has made us into very different people, (she camps and runs marathons, Aughhh!) but despite all of that, when we were staying at the Ronald McDonald house and our middle daughter was in the NICU I didn't hesitate to call my old college roomie while pumping breast milk at 6am. The best part, she answered. Do I talk to her everyday, week, month? Nope, but remembering our brightest moments have gotten me through some of my worst times.
New friends, with our most recent and foreseeably (is that a word?) permanent move, I have met some AMAZING women, some older than me, some younger, but the great equalizer is having school age kids. It staggers me sometimes to think I am going to have these people in my life for the next 18-20 years and I hope they don't age better than me. I sometimes wonder what the next friendship move, do I call them to chat, or does that seem overeager, do I tell them about the baggage I carry? Maybe not, it's still pretty early, and we've got 20 years, I hope.
Through it all I've had the blessing of shared experience with my best friend of all, someone who has seen me at my worst, and I mean absolute worst, and helped me to be my best. If you want to know what the best part about being married is, I would tell you it's when you get to have a permanent sleepover with your best friend. Despite any disagreements, annoying habits, and excessive sports watching, even when I go to the grocery store I get a little flip in my stomach knowing I'll be coming home to him. So despite all the stops and starts and the awkwardness of new friendships, or the bittersweet feelings about old friends, having a husband for a best friend makes it all ok. Especially when you see the hunk I have at home. Hubba, hubba.

Soup of sorts

Let's be real here for a minute. Any of you parent's reading this have had moments where they wondered "Am I normal?" "Is my kid normal?" "Am I damaging my kid irrepairably?"
While most of the parents and kids I know (myself included) have kids that are well above average and extremely adorable, haven't we all wondered from time to time, if their kid wasn't from another planet?
All joking aside, I talked to a mom this morning who wanted reassurance from me that her kid was normal. She sure came to the wrong gal for that! Some of you may be reading this thinking your kids are perfect and gifted, good for you! The truth is, most of us, I think, want reassurance and comfort from others, young moms, old moms, grand moms that we will get through this. That our kids will be ok and so will we. Especially moms of children with disabilities. Moms who spend so much time hoping their kids will hit "AVERAGE" or "TYPICALLY DEVELOPING" on some chart somewhere.
Now this blog is not just about my days with a disabled child, how fair would that be to my other 2? I am an equal opportunity embarrasser! I do want to use this blog as an opportunity to share my daily struggles, joys and concerns and to shed a little light on what getting by looks like, from my perspective. My main goal of this blog is to be something I would want to read and to be relatable. I can't promise mother of the year insight, good parenting, marriage or sex tips, there will be no weight loss tips, but I can promise honesty, and that I want to hear what you think. If you want to know what I think, let me know, I'll try to write about it.
So to my friend from this morning, thanks, by trying to help you, I helped me. It feels to know good we're in it together.