Monday, December 7, 2009

Chicken and Rice

I'm pretty secure in my marriage. Lately we've been having some problems though. Are you ready for some juicy insight into the secret that plagues our marriage? Here goes.
Rory has a habit, a terrible habit that is causing me to lose sleep at night. You see, Rory rarely goes to bed before midnight, sometimes he stays up past one, even until 2am. When we were just married this didn't bother me, I could just as easily stay up and read a book, take a bath, do laundry, many times we stayed awake til the wee hours of the morning just talking. Now, 3 kids later, it's taking it's toll and I don't know how to change course.
When we married we vowed to go to bed together every night if possible. While I was growing up my mom always went to bed early, and alone. So unromantic. My marriage would be different.
The worst part about this habit is that I don't know how to break it, it isn't as though he is forcing me to stay awake, he's more subversive than that. Sometimes it's cleaning the house, or proofreading one of his Master's papers, could be budget committee meetings, or packing the kids lunches...but every night the clock creeps to midnight and beyond and I'm awake in the company of my beloved.
I've tried a lot of different tactics too, promises of "cuddling," offers to let him watch TV in bed, promises he can pick whatever History Channel show he wants. Sometimes he agrees and comes to bed, then we end up talking and planning for our future, or Christmas or summer vacation, I've even stayed up late talking about whether or not Charlie Weis (Notre Dame EX-football coach) should get fired (he did), or if Notre Dame should go to a bowl game or not, and how 'bout them Chicago Bears? We've burned the midnight oil over their poor performance too.
Our kids are in bed and sleeping, regularly by 7:30pm. I could go to bed right then, but never do, every night I am hopeful that that will be the night I am sound asleep by 10:30. Somehow the promise of interesting conversation with a man I adore is too great for me, and I head downstairs for hours of interesting conversation, proofreading papers on health care policy,(BORING!) housecleaning, History Channel or football strategy talk, and he never disappoints, so I guess the hours of beauty sleep I am missing are worth it, if only we could get paid for our late night football analysis.

So dear readers, please answer these questions for me:

  1. When do you go to bed at night?
  2. Do you go to bed at the same time as your spouse?
  3. Do you feel that going to be together is important?


Jenny Hall said...

Sheridan, I went to bed alone for way too many years (my husband was a meth addict). I never liked going to bed alone, it just was not right. Since he has been clean, we almost always go to bed at the same time. Usually we watch tv in bed, but i fall asleep long before Jared does. He uses the time to get caught up on the shows he DVRs. On the week days we are normally in bed around 9:30-10:00. The kids go to bed at 8. Jared is not a cuddler, but we always have at least a foot touching--In the winter my feet freeze and he is almost always HOT, so it works out for both of us! When Jared goes out with the guys, or is gone for what ever reason, I do not sleep well. Every little noise wakes me, I toss and turn. The last time he went out of state, I made my mom fly in to help me through the nights! She sleeps in her own bed, but it makes me feel better. I am pretty sure Jared feels the same about the sleeping arrangement as i do. When we are not together he calls me when he goes to bed. And I can just see the puppy eyes he has through the phone. It bugs him if he is ready to go to bed and I am still on the computer or on the phone. He will loiter around the door way, not saying anything, but I know what he is waiting for. If I let him go to bed with out me, he will just find a reason for me to have to go to the bedroom anyway. "Hey Jen..." LOL

I hope this answers your questions. I am sure you guys will find a happy medium to it!! :)

shana said...

we also try to always go to bed together. kirb goes to bed later than i do, naturally, too so often i fall asleep on the couch and when he's ready to turn in he wakes me up, i brush my teeth and we go to bed together. it's what we've always done. being sick lately we had to go to bed at different times and a couple times, since i could only sleep if sitting up, we didn't even sleep together. but for the most part we go to bed together (even though i sometimes have already gone to "sleep"), i do think it is important, and it's something that i'm glad we do.
so, maybe you could just catch a little nap on the couch, like me, starting sometime during the news, and then head to bed with your hubby whenever he decides it's time to turn it. anyhoo, give it a shot!
see you soon!